Bird-Cage Philosophy

It's already 4 in the morning and I know I can't get things out of my mind so easily.
So I have finally decided to let the things out. I don't know whether this will ever be published or will be saved in drafts like all others but one thing was sure I needed to get over her.
As the suicidal thoughts once again started to take over, I know this time I can't resist them.
Top 10 suicide intriguing and depressing songs of all the time was my recent search history. We all find it funny at times: The thought of suicide and what's more amusing is our very own thought of existence!
I had already witnessed tuning 10 whole superstars turning into wrinkled bud since morning and haven't slept from 34 hours I guess. Apart from the 4 hours disoriented dreams I had in the evening; everyone of which was a nightmare.
There is this thing:
I hated her birthdays.
Yes it's 6th Oct and no day of the year can be as worse than this.
Each friend of mine had wished me," Happy Birthday"- every wish sounded loudly in my head-kyun katwa rha hai Bhai apna!"
This day is always the weirdest one from the last 3 years.
First year: I got her the gifts, ordered cake and wasn't there. So, got dejected.
Second year: She invited me for the party but I never showed up.
Third year: I was already missing from the scene!
And what worse I wished her at 12 this year too like always. So, I broke the routine of not seeing her and chatting with her. Though each friend of mine joined her for the party, I was staying away from the hustle and bustle.
Somewhere down there I needed someone to see the thing I had been feeling but as expected I found none. Thanks to the earphones. They know me better now and so does my recently played list.
I forgot to tell you: My so-called friends(very much  expected of them) asked me to borrow the electric kettle from a junior coz it's her birthday and they wanted me to get up from the bed and prepare Maggi! Guess what, I did so, you know, it was about her! How can I don't follow something, I was asked to swear by her oath? 
At that very moment, I knew this isn't the end!
"We"(Obviously, Me and the earphones!) crafted a simple theory, his 'feelings' is a bird and her's is a cage!
You set the bird free, either he'll end up flying or will return back to you!
Either ways you'll have memories✌
On contrary to this, there are times when bird dies before making memories-that's my present state!
Or maybe while returning back, feelings chose the wrong cage or already filled one;
And I won't deny the fact, I was never the best suited one!
"The flame flickers again and I knew the moment demands me to pull the last drag!"
I feel it's the season of break-ups.
The autumn for happy couples!
This is the time:
For someone like me a season to bloom-"our spring",
And, eventually I knew once this gets over,
She'll start blooming again;
And soon my autumn will holocaust all others! The leaves will start turning brown and will shed!

Just like I did, the very last time!                        "The candle wick turned black and consumed everything!"

- Earphones played🎧

P.S: I finally managed to get this post published!