Intact, Yet So Broken!

"Was I kind to others? It was hard to nail down an answer. I worried that if I did turn out to have a personality, it would be one the unkind ones."- Conversations with Friends.

Intact, Yet So Broken!

As I lay low on my bed,
I just realised:
It's almost 4!
...
Though they say:
Nothing good happens after 2
But I just believe:
There are days when nothing good happens at all!
Depressing, Isn't it?
..
Lately, I've been amused by the idea of "ambitions".
Ambitions which are way too ambiguous,
Often used interchangeably with "dreams".
..
Yes, the same dreams which are meant to be felt when you fall asleep.
But I don't know why, I can't have any.
Maybe it's the fear of not keeping up with dreams or
Maybe I'm too tired of trying.
..
You see-these ambitions can be heavy.
And so is your breath when you almost lose the sight of "them".
..
"Them"- The people who were supposed to be with you but aren't actually,
And all that is left are the anecdotes from good old citations.
Probably, you also feel mesmerized by the enchanted charms of individuality
And the co-related thought process!

Fair chances.
Seriously, reading minds can be tough at times especially when you turn out to be a Sapiosexual!
..
"Human brains and Sapiosexual (- ity)"-
That's the thing about the human brains.

You can remember even the minute details about "almost everything" but can't fit reasonable accountability for your actions.
..
As I introspect,
Just like me,
There you are standing vulnerable to these insecurities.
Intact to memories,
Broken by beliefs!
..
Beliefs that were too subtle to be poured in,
Memories that were too close to be left out.
Yet, here I'm trying to run away and find an escape from all the dreams,
That were too close to be mine
Yet so far to be true.
..
They say beliefs say intact and so does the memories.
But here I'm.
Profoundly accepting my insanity,
And "thy" gestures, beliefs and memories.
To fill the void that scares me,
To catch a moment of breath
Before I start running away again from my dreams!
..
So, here I'm, Intact yet so broken from the stillness of the eternal night!

Comments

The Growing Bud

"She was like a mirror, too fragile to handle but still helps to reflect till her last shattered piece mixes with sand dust!" Yes, you read it right. She was too fragile to handle. But she was the one who was around me during all the tough times. Maybe we belong to a different community or culture but she understood me more than the one who classifies under the same banner as 'I'. She was someone special! No, not a lover she was. She was the one who always cared the most. A kind of true friend.The one you find in a lifetime or more. Maybe she was confused with someone else but a true 'girl friend' she is. See, I left a space between that word and I really meant that. Space I left here, ain't a stereotype but a space that is to be filled when I gonna realise that finally, I could pay her debt. The debt for being so supportive and caring towards me.A kind of best protagonist type from a happy ending Bollywood movie where good triumphs over evil....

Skeptical Trajectory

Skeptical Trajectory! Often, I think of nth possibilities, Of twisting the "things", "paths" and "crossroads"! You see, I'm trying! .. I'm trying to fix: The Skeptical Trajectory That has caged me For time I can't give an account of! .. Throughout my teenage, I have been a follower Definitely, not of the right deeds But of simple "defined traits" pattern. .. "शायद, यह नज़रिया कभी मेरा था ही नहीं। और शायद कभी पूरी तरह बन भी नहीं पाया। यूं समझो की ऊंची दीवारों के इस 8X8 के कमरे में एक मैं हूं और कमरे की दीवार में जो सुराख है, वहां से आती रोशनी मेरा नज़रिया भी और दुनिया देखने का दायरा भी।" .. The Skeptical Trajectory, That I had chosen to follow! It's funny, You know! It is! .. Sometimes, at night; I sit on the floor, Against the dark, Extra for a minute, A Minute turning into hours As I watch the night sky full of stars! .. There are nights; a bit darker ones, Full of dangling eeriness! That makes me...

"WordSmith"-Sure?

"What's the worst form of fear? To go through the same guilt again and again!" .. You know, I have trust issues! Some literal ones Which are quite depressing At times. .. When I hit the rock bottom I just re-live them again. .. Now, think of you Making the same mistakes Which I shouldn't have At first place! Isn't the moment of "self-doubt" for real? And it takes a heavy toll. .. Probably, that's my problem It definitely is. I tried to stop myself From going through it again and again. But seems like damage is done. .. A potential damage That often restricts my spurted flow of words out of mouth. Though my rants are all set to be lashed at someone Full of despair and complaints! But now these thoughts seem to be hitting the thin walls of my veins Making their way to the hyperactive pumped brain And there I feel a hard pricking pain against the cranium! .. As i try to hold myself together I just pass out And it seems as if There is ...

A Fable Of Dreams

Search This Blog